last month

Everything Is Falling Apart

Everything is falling apart.

This lifetime. These ambitions. Security. This body.

All falling apart.

I can try to fix it. Try to hold it together. And I can look around and scream for help.

“We’ll help you hold it together” some say.

Others say “Pull yourself together, man!”

But it is falling apart. All slipping through my fingers like water or air.

No solutions. No hope.

So finally, let’s let it fall apart. It is falling apart anyway.

Does that mean that we should do nothing? Should we not try to feed ourselves? Should we not take care of our children?

No!

Should we hide out in “It’s all delusion anyway”?

No!

No need to hide. No need to reject.

Instead, let us allow the falling apart to wash over us. And through us. To cleanse us of all that never was. All the burdens. The burdens of hope. The burdens of holding it together.

Let us discover our essential freedom. And then let us tell the truth, which is that despite the delusion and illusion and emptiness, we are still here. Showing up. Showing up fully. Choosing this. Choosing this not because we are virtuous. Choosing this because there is no other choice.

And though it is empty of what we thought it was made of, it is not precisely empty. Not truly. It is only empty of hope. Empty of things. Empty of holding it together.

But it is full of wonder. Full of aliveness. Full of us.

Then perhaps we can celebrate.

Not a celebration of things or of holding it together or winning or hope. A celebration of us as we are. Flowing. Hopeless. And free.

To me, this is true love. I know that’s a dirty word. “Boo!” call the hardliners. But fuck it. If we’re to call anything love, isn’t this it? Here we are. Despite all the reasons why not. Despite all the fears. Despite all the emptiness. Despite all the hopelessness. Despite all the delusion. Despite everything.

In the midst of falling apart, I declare this love. And I welcome you to discover it too. Not as you thought it was. Not the love of future security. Not the love of having or holding.

The love of this as it is. Open. Free. Whole. Alive. You. Me. Now.

Say yes. Say yes. Say yes.

joeylott

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