a couple of months ago

I Can’t Win

 

 

I spend my life trying to win.

I can’t stop.

If I try to stop, I am only trying to stop so that I can win at stopping.

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It is an impossible situation.

I cannot win.

But in an instant I can see…for myself…always anew…

that winning was always a fabrication.

There’s nothing to win.

All is already given. This is it.

It includes misery and hope and happiness and frustration and trying and good and bad.

I can’t make it better.

Better was always a fabrication.

This is already it.

But I keep trying to win.

There’s no other game in town.

This is it.

Trying to win is it.

Trying not to win is it.

Trying not to try is it.

Why fight it?

I can’t win.

But fighting it is it too.

it it it it it it it.

Inescapable.

Wanting to escape it is it.

Wanting to understand it is it.

Thinking there’s something more to understand is it.

Thinking somebody else has understood it and you haven’t is it.

I can’t win.

It’s a big joke.

It’s a funny joke.

It’s a cruel joke too.

All is it. If it exists, it is it.

There’s nothing else to get.

But I keep trying. I cannot do otherwise.

All that is happening is trying, the resistance.

There is nothing else.

Then seeing. Seeing that there is nothing else.

Seeing that there is also nothing happening.

Then trying. Trying to capture. Trying to possess.

Trying to win.

I can’t win.

joeylott

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