First, two things:
- Luis and I are recording at Completely Ordinary episodes again. And Luis posted a request for submissions from audience members about the purpose of life here: http://completelyordinary.com/whats-your-lifes-purpose/ Unfortunately, my email server was down when that happened, and nobody got notified (I don’t think). So please go check it out. And send us your submission.
- Also because of my email server outage, nobody got notified when I posted here a few days ago. If you’re interested, check out the previous post as well. It’s about Who Am I?
Okay, .Now for the topic of today’s post.
I was lying in bed this morning. And I noticed something in a way I hadn’t noticed before.
I’m sharing this with you, but not so you can live vicariously through me. Rather, so you can look for yourself.
Seriously: if you don’t look for yourself, what are you doing? Otherwise, you’re just reading a menu. No matter how many times you read a menu, it won’t give you the actual experience of eating the food.
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Eat the food. Taste life. Go all in.
Okay. So I was lying in bed. And my kids were bouncing around. This was not a classically relaxing time – not a time conducive to what most of us think of as the opportunity for self reflection, etc.
Point being, you can do this now. Whatever is happening. You can look for yourself. Don’t put it off.
I noticed all this emptiness. All this space. The sense of it “within”.
And then I noticed how full this space is.
It’s completely full of space. Filled with emptiness.
Look for yourself.
Don’t analyze it. Don’t think about it. Just look for yourself.
Don’t be bothered looking for an answer here, either. Don’t waste your time trying to get it right.
Just feel. Just experience. Notice. Pay attention.
Maybe you don’t call it space. Or emptiness. Maybe you have a different sense of it.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Point is, the experience is full.
This, whatever is happening right now, this actual experience – regardless of how I conceive of it or you conceive of it…
It is full.
I don’t need to fill it. And I cannot hope to get rid of it.
This is full and alive.
But please don’t waste your time trying to file that away for a rainy day. It won’t work.
This is full and alive and it is only accessible right now.
It’s full and alive with confusion, doubt, fear, regret, sorrow, grief, pain.
It eats all.
Despite its fullness, it can devour all. And there is just totality.
This is not ecstatic, either.
It can be, of course.
But it is not guaranteed to be ecstatic.
It is ordinary. Mundane. Miserable as well.
The emptiness or space or ordinariness or unpleasantness or discomfort or whatever we normally overlook or dismiss…
That is it.
We tune it out because of conditioning.
Too boring. Too painful. Too mundane. Too uncomfortable. Too disgusting. Too scary.
Whatever justification we have, we’re overlooking what is staring us in the face:
This is it. Whatever we are hoping to find somewhere or sometime else…we’re fooling ourselves.
Because this right now is already totally full.
Then will be full too, of course.
That’s the comfort we can always turn too. We can’t escape it.
We are like the Prodigal Son in that way.
But why wait?