Do you ever feel that something is wrong? Not as it should be?
Of course you do. We all do.
But have you ever considered, and I mean deeply considered, what exactly is wrong?
Sometimes it seems so clear. For example, I once was sick with Lyme disease. I could attribute the wrongness that I experience as being caused by the illness. And if I believe that my illness is caused by an infection, I might attribute the wrongness to the infection. Or if I believe the illness is caused by my life circumstances, I might attribute the wrongness to the circumstances.
Of course, other times, it isn’t so clear. For example, after a while – about 7 years in – I started to suspect that maybe, just maybe, my Lyme disease symptoms had nothing to do with Lyme disease. But then, what was the cause? If you’ve experienced (as we all have) mysterious symptoms of feeling that something is off or wrong in your life, you probably know what it is to search for the cause.
In my case, I wondered if it was caused by heavy metals or maybe sleep problems or maybe breathing problems or maybe nutritional problems or maybe because once upon a time my school principal threatened to paddle me with a wooden paddle or maybe because of the trauma of a dental surgery I had when I was 21. Or maybe another million possible reasons.
But here’s a radical idea. What if none of my interpretations are correct? What if all the causes I’ve assumed were the causes of the problem are not the causes at all?
What if…and this might be hard to truly consider, but just open to it for a moment…what if there is no problem at all? What if everything in my life and your life and life in general is exactly perfect?
Not perfect in the sense that all that happens is kind, loving, gentle, generous, and all the other kinds of things that I think that life should be exclusively made of. Because clearly that’s not the case.
But perfect in that this is actually happening.
Let that in for a moment. Let it blow your mind.
This is happening. If you are willing to set aside for a moment all the things you think you know about why this shouldn’t be happening – the pain, suffering, misery, torture, horror, terror, etc. – you can let in that this IS happening.
How many times in life have you shied away from happening? Tried to avoid feelings, people, conversations, situations, thoughts, judgments…
I have done that a lot.
But life doesn’t shy away. Life keeps showing up.
Even with the pain, suffering, misery, etc. Even if it is hard or scary or whatever else, life keeps showing up 100% without hesitation.
Every moment, life keeps showing up. Never not here.
Even when you curse it.
Instead of assuming that life is against us, what would happen if we just see what is actually happening?
I know what would happen.
We’d be surprised.
We’d see clearly that this is all happening. And we’d see that we don’t know what any of it means.
And we’d be in awe.
Even when we’re sick. Even when we’re reactive. Even when we’re suffering.
Nothing could strike the awe from us because we would recognize that awe as the purest manifestation of the divine, which is the seed of our human being.
It would allow us to recognize that while we don’t know what any of life means, we can choose to trust.
We have been misled. We’ve been taught that we are gods. We’ve been taught that we are responsible for fixing and managing our lives.
At a certain phase of development we need to learn that we can make our own beds and brush our own teeth and wipe our own butts.
But we’re all functioning at that level and have been for a long time. We know we can blow our own noses, chew our own food.
Is that idea that we are gods still useful to us? Or does it blind us with nearsighted fixation, always thinking only of my, me, mine?
I can’t speak for you, but I can speak for myself. And for me, it is very much time to admit that I don’t know what any of my life means. I don’t know what life means. And every time I try to figure it out, I overlook the awe that is my purest connection with the divine. The awe that is always here.
Rather than assuming that I need to figure out my life and fix it, I find immense joy in the awe.
That awe is always here. In the happiness and in the frustration, in health and in sickness, in gain and in loss.
My every footstep, every breath, every thought, every desire is guided perfectly now, now, and now. Always now.
And so is yours. Just look and see. Everything is happening. All of this, including you, is happening. Happening perfectly.
Whatever I may think my purpose is, the meaning of my life, the truth of my purpose and the meaning of my life reveals itself always now. This happening.
My mind always wants more. It is not content with the infinite. It wants to control the infinite and augment the infinite.
But me being just as I am already augments the infinite. Me as I am, including my supposed faults and my supposed illnesses and my supposes traumas and my supposed seeking and my supposed suffering, is already happening. It is already new. This has never been before. This is happening freshly. Always fresh.
I don’t need to do anything to make this happen. I can trust in the awe. Ride the wave.