last month

On Love

I rent a yurt from my landlord and landlady to use as an “office”.

Yesterday I was in the yurt and a yellow jacket was crawling on the floor nearby.

The yellow jacket looked to be in distress. It was struggling to stay upright.

It was dying.

I felt sad. Was this preventable? Could I do something to help?

But what could I do? It is fall. The yellow jackets are downsizing the hive in preparation for winter. This yellow jacket was dying.

I was powerless, as I always am, to fix things and make them how I think they should be.

The yellow jacket flipped over. Legs moving. Righted itself. Then flipped over again.

The yellow jacket died.

I didn’t get to be the hero. I didn’t get to save anyone. No one survived.

Life seems to keep communicating this message. “You have no power.”

That doesn’t sound like a message of love in the traditional sense.

But it is. To me it is. It is the greatest love.

I have no power. And yet all is taken care of. Life and death completely taken care of.

I will die. That will be taken care of. I won’t have to do it.

Meanwhile, I am alive. Oh, sure, we could argue the finer points of whether there is anyone to be alive, yada, yada.

But for now, let’s just say I’m alive. And that is also taken care of.

For all my grasping for power, it is not needed.

Life is telling me “you have no power”. And it is like Mother’s soothing touch. “Shhh,” she says. “You have no power.”

I have no power.

The power can’t be had. Not for all the gold or silver in the universe. Not for all the wanting. Not for all the pleading.

Thank goodness it can’t be had.

I don’t need to have it. It has me.

joeylott

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