3 weeks ago

The Objects of My Fear

The objects of my fear are my salvation.

For most of my life I tried to avoid fear by avoiding the objects of my fear.

Here’s an example I have used many times in my writing: McDonald’s.

McDonald’s was the object of my fear. I tried to avoid my fear by avoiding the object of my fear: McDonald’s.

It did not work. It had the opposite of the intended effect. It drew me into a nightmarish web in which fear was everywhere and I also perceived the fear that was everywhere to be the worst thing possible.

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Fear is not the worst thing possible. It’s not even bad.

It’s just fear.

The objects of my fear – when I finally give in to them fully – save me from this nightmare.

They do so by revealing that the true nature of fear is not what I thought.

Fear is not even bad. It’s just fear.

It is also a strange kind of ecstasy. But not like I thought I wanted.

When I yield completely to the objects of my fear, when I stop trying to use them as tools to avoid my fear, I am saved from the struggle to be something separate from fear.

What a relief.

joeylott

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