last week

Whoa! You seem *angry*!

“Whoa! You seem *angry*!”

Translation: There’s something wrong with you. You scare me. Get away from me. And don’t come back until you fix yourself.

Of course, this isn’t limited just to anger. Sadness, depression, fear, anxiety, and more. All things that I have been taught are wrong, shameful, unacceptable.

I spent the first three-quarters of my life thus far giving my all to trying to fix myself. I desperately wanted to make myself acceptable. Lovable.

And it was horrible. Deeply isolating.

And a lie.

Here’s another of my favorite quotes: “God don’t make no junk.”

Consider for a moment the immense arrogance of the belief that life is happening – a mysterious miracle that no one can comprehend – stars are being born and dying – planets are spinning around in the universe at gazillions of miles per hour – existence exists…

…but I am unacceptable.

Sounds mightly arrogant (and wrong) to me.

When Moses went to commune with God and receive the Ten Commandments, he first told the Israelites that they should remember one important thing: don’t worship false idols.

When he came back the Israelites had made a golden calf idol that they were worshipping.

Whoops!

I’m reminded of this story because it’s a great story to describe what so many of us do. Everything is happening. Creation is being created. It is utterly immense. Inconceivably boundless.

And moreover, our actual, direct, moment-to-moment experience, our most intimate experience of being, is of this boundlessness, this awe-inspiring everything-nothing.

And yet…and yet…we keep worshipping golden calves.

What golden calf am I referring to?

I’m talking about the idea that I can be unacceptable. That my experience can be unacceptable. That I need to fix myself. That I can know how things should be and that they should be other than they are.

That I have the power to know what is right and wrong, good and bad. And that I have the responsibility to manage everything. Most importantly myself.

The arrogance to believe that I know better.

Fortunately, the remedy is ever present. Just stop. And in stopping it is clear that there never was any arrogance anyway. It was just stuff happening. Noise. Color. Movement.

joeylott

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